PG's Tips

I wonder how much people question what’s right and what’s wrong. I think there are some things that people just assume everyone agrees on as wrong or evil. And we judge anyone that commits such offences. But when asked why we think these things are right or wrong most people can’t really explain it. They might use the excuse of the law of the land but I’d be surprised if anyone actually believes that geography has the biggest impact on the difference between good and evil.

Another popular argument might be to treat other people as you want to be treated. (Which is strangely reminiscent of some excellent two thousand year old teaching that I think I’ve heard somewhere!) The problem is I’m not sure I’m particularly good at that (and I think others might be the same). I cut people up when I’m driving in traffic but if anyone does it to me I get really angry. I’m slow to forgive others when they’ve upset me but I’m sure I’d be wishing they’d forgive me quickly whenever I wrong them.

I remember hearing the following song lyric for the first time and thinking how true it often is.

“Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.”
The Fray – All At Once

I’ve written before about how we’re often tempted to do the thing that gives us the most benefit now rather than thinking of the long term benefits. I think that comes into this whole process as well. Sometimes the hardest thing is to give up something that you want now to get something later on that’s going to be so much better.

If you want to think of this in a different way then consider many of the scenarios Jack Bauer has found himself in. He’s a guy that many may think always does the right thing (although that is questionable at times). But it’s obvious that he never goes for the easy option when faced with a dilemma.

So next time you’re faced with a difficult choice and you’re not sure what the right thing to do is, maybe try thinking what would Jack do? Or maybe what would The Fray say? Or maybe just think is the hardest option the better thing in the long run?

Well I’ve been relegated from my regular column in my work e-newsletter. But I was still keen to write something this month.

I want to talk about integrity. I guess maybe it’s something people are thinking of a bit as they try and decide who to vote for in next week’s elections. I wonder whether some people might ask their local representative to have “integrity” without really considering what it means or whether they have any of it themselves!

Some people might think it means to behave the same way all the way through your life. But let’s be honest who does that? Who acts the same at an important job interview as they do when having a beer or a glass of wine with a close friend? Or who behaves the same with their boyfriend/girlfriend in front of his/her parents as you do when you’re alone?

This doesn’t make us two-faced. In fact it makes us aware of the situations and the people we’re around. Sometimes it’s wise to consider others before acting in a way that maybe inappropriate or offensive to them.

So what is integrity then? I guess one way of looking at it would be “doing what you preach” – not expecting others to meet up to standards that you’re unable to reach yourself. Let’s face it… no one likes to be caught out in that way though.

But I have an even more difficult suggestion of what it means to have integrity. And unfortunately it probably means a standard that I am unable to reach myself! I think that’s okay though. What if integrity is making the “right” choice even if no one would have seen you make the “wrong” anyway?

Our culture often seems to suggest that if you can get away with something then it’s alright. Having an affair is not so bad as long you don’t get caught. Driving over the speed limit is alright as long as it’s not past a speed camera or a police car. Even, dare I say it, there’s nothing wrong with downloading or watching illegal copyrighted videos on the internet.

That’s an interesting one. People will often argue that no one gets hurt. And although the government may start to make policies to block such activity it’s certainly a VERY long way off from people easily getting reprimanded for such activity. Those who watch these videos argue that TV and movie stars get paid too much anyway. (Even if they do, what about all the other staff that help create these films and TV shows?)

Anyway my intention was not so much to target any one activity in particular. Each person needs to judge for themselves what is acceptable and by what standard they want to try to measure to. My advice is just to consider raising that bar just a little bit? Because maybe our character is not just about who we are seen to be but is affected by what goes on behind closed doors, and even maybe what goes on inside our minds.
An impossible task? I think not. Have hope… there is grace, forgiveness and help if you need it. I know a Man who can.

Writers’ block! I’m struggling to think of things to write about now. I had wondered whether 15 previous PG tips was the limit of my wisdom?! I don’t know if you sales guys have similar thing on the phone sometimes? (Not sure what the phone conversation equivalent is of writers block?!)

So while I realise what my ultimate inspiration is, I started thinking about other things that inspire me. A lot of you will probably be able to guess them by now: music, comedy, film, TV. I’d like to say books but my bookshelf at home is mostly taken up with DVDs, and the few books on there have only one or two creases in the spine as I’ve not managed to finish many of them.

When you think about it, the need for inspiration makes sense. How can you give out anything convincing when you’re not getting anything inspirational? I’ll give an analogy that I’m sure many of you lot will be able to appreciate! It’s like a pub… how can they keep serving beer without occasionally getting a delivery of a few kegs from their supplier?

So I’ve inadvertently landed on some advice. Go out and feed yourself on something that inspires you. Read a biography of someone you admire, catch up with family or friends that you love and respect, or maybe just go for a walk in some of the natural beauty spots that I know there are still plenty of in the UK. But don’t forget that if you’re going to gorge yourself on some inspiration you should probably give some back out to the people around you again.

Well the only thing I could think of this month that helped me come up with this was a comedy/music clip featuring the great Will Ferrell. (It might be a bit of an acquired taste but give it a go!)

Need More Cowbell

Trust – how do you get it? It can’t be bought or rushed – which isn’t very conducive with the modern attitude of “What can I get now?!”

Previous ideas of encouraging trust in the workplace probably involved exercises where one person voluntarily falls back while the other person is expected to catch them. And how risky a manoeuvre that is would depend on which of your colleagues you happened to be partnered with!

How do I think trust happens? Well it’s got to be a two way process. You can make a sincere gesture of investing and believing in someone. But ultimately they then have to decide how to respond to that gesture. To put to good use the investment that’s been made to them or to cash out and run. (Sounds a little bit like “Game Theory” which is used in economics, biology, engineering, political science, international relations, computer science, and philosophy – look it up!)

However I think you can encourage trust. If you spot a talent in someone and take a chance on them, a bond will often be formed. If you make yourself vulnerable by sharing something personal with a friend hopefully they will admire your courage and provide you with the confidential support that you need.

But this trust thing is a risky business. But as Dr Kelso off of Scrubs says:

“Nothing in this world that’s worth having comes easy.”

Now on the subject of Scrubs, I wanted to find a trust related video but the best I could do was a parody of “Risky Business” – a film featuring a young Tom Cruise in a classic dance scene that I’m disappointed hasn’t yet been replicated at an Encore event!

Original video:

Scrubs parody:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=G_NQWAmzmhA

It’s interesting what issues have come up because of the weather recently. I’m a little disappointed in our country’s ability to cope with snowy or icy conditions but actually what can you expect after decades of mild winters and cold summers? I did find it strangely amusing that some of the people who had wished and gambled on it being a white Christmas were then concerned that they wouldn’t be able to make it to see family, friends or go on that dream holiday because of adverse weather conditions.

I think it’s a similar frustration I have with people voting for someone to win the X Factor (or similar shows) and then not actually buying their album when it’s eventually released. (I find myself wanting to decide a winner on the public’s behalf!)

This is a case of people wanting something that actually they don’t really want (see my last tips about long-term thinking). Other times people want things that they don’t actually need, like all the recent snow. And unfortunately conversely to the Rolling Stones song (lyrics below) sometimes you do actually get what you want rather than what you need.

“No, you can’t always get what you want,
You can’t always get what you want,
You can’t always get what you want,
And if you try sometime, you just might find,
You get what you need.”

So what’s the trick to not wanting what you want then? I’m not sure. I think it starts with big picture thinking. Starting to consider what do I actually need, what would be good for the people around me, or even what would be best for the country? (That’s why I’ve been hoping for mild, maybe even rainy weather conditions the last couple of weeks.)

I am considering for the first time in my life getting a credit card. Never really liked the idea of spending money that I don’t have. I still feel that way but for various other benefits am leaning more towards it.

It makes me think about one of the big slogans you hear in advertising – a mindset that causes many problems in the world today, and not just financial ones.

“Buy now, pay later.”

I think it encourages people to make purchases that they can’t actually afford. From there it’s very easy to get carried away into dangerous levels of debt.

People can get into the same pattern with personal relationships as well: “Not sure I want to be with this person this time next year but what can I get out of this relationship while it still lasts?”. Or with business: “What can I squeeze out of this client right now?” with little regard of maintaining a positive long-term relationship with them.

The lesson of delayed gratification is a difficult one. Sometimes you can be clever with a wise financial investment. Sometimes a lucky bet ends up paying big. Sometimes investing your time in extensive training with a new member of staff pays off and you see them flourish in their role later down the line.

The crucial thing is not rushing into decisions based on short term impulses and desires but thinking about what is going to best in the long run.

Here’s a short video to demonstrate the struggles and benefits of delayed gratification.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=wWW1vpz1ybo

You may have heard it said that if you fail to plan then you should plan to fail. There are times when I hear that said and I think that is totally true. Then there are other times when I think that doesn’t apply to me right now… normally when I’ve told myself I don’t have time to plan something!

Sometimes I spend most of my working day snoozing tasks because I’m on the phone doing something critical or because I’m in the middle of a big job that’s taking longer then I first thought. I find that hard. I get annoyed that I’ve failed at the targets I’ve set myself.

So it seems like if I don’t plan then I fail, and if I do plan then I still fail! Lose, lose? I think the lesson that I regularly need to remind myself of is to forgive myself when I don’t hit a target. And maybe to be a bit more realistic about the timeframe that I’m capable of completing things in. But that should never prevent me from listening to the encouragement of the S Club 7 lyric: “Reach for the stars”. It’s only by aspiring towards big things that we achieve something of any significance.

And for those who believe planning is always a boring thing (as I remember an ex-girlfriend of mine regularly saying to me), I give you this video. (I’m sure it took some planning!)

As anyone who has seen me play guitar and sing live before knows, I don’t do requests. (It’s not so much that I’m pretentious; it’s just that I’ve never learnt the classics that everyone always seems to shout out like “Brown Eyed Girl”!)

Having said that, I never like turning down a challenge, and one was thrown my way whilst enjoying some liquid refreshment after a long 16 mile walk down the Leicestershire canals. (Which was, I think anyone who was there will agree, a huge challenge in itself!) I was thrown concepts left, right and centre to weave into my next “tips”. And as the ones I could remember were good concepts, I thought I’d see what I could do!

One was about feeding something back into the community. I’ve already spoken about the weird sense of satisfaction you often seem to get when giving your time or money for the benefit of others. (Check back through my previous tips if you need your memory refreshing.)

What makes it worthwhile though? If it had been a 5 or 10 mile walk would it have been as satisfying? The sense of achievement is often related to the degree of sacrifice. Similarly you might think that the sense of appreciation for a gift received is related to the cost? However I would actually argue it’s more to do with the level of sacrifice. If you receive a gift that cost £10 it might not seem like a significant gift. But if you find out that it’s from a small child who hasn’t bought any sweets for the last month in order to save that money then suddenly the gift becomes more significant.

When you’re willing to sacrifice for something it shows commitment. You see it in business, in friendships, family and in relationships (or at least you should). When you give up some of the things you would like for the benefit of someone you care about it shows your loyalty towards them. Too often in the world today it is deemed as alright to just move on when you’re not getting what you want any more. I think the world would be a much better place if we started demonstrating this quality not just in our shopping (“loyalty cards”) but also in some of our other more important decisions.

A phrase from one of Encore’s (the company I work for) many accreditations is “Investor in People”. This has often got me thinking about what my priorities are as an individual.

As probably only a few of you are aware, I am currently doing a distance learning course in theology with a small portion of my free time. (I’m not the only one in the company doing some distance learning… ask around!) The module I’ve recently started is about the different worldviews that people have, and in the Skype seminar I was in on last night (oh the technological world we live in) I realised that what a person chooses to invest in is a good indicator of what worldview they have.

Google’s definitions of worldview.

People who believe that this world is all there is will usually invest as much time and energy in making the most out of their life. Sometimes that’s trying to get the most enjoyment out of every year of your life. Sometimes it’s about investing in your family, hoping that they will continue some of your legacy when you’re gone. Others still will invest much of their time and energy in their research and ideas, with the aim that they will be admired fondly in the records of history.

Evolutionary biologists will often suggest that animals (of which humans are included) will only choose to invest in their own survival and the survival of their blood relatives. (I questioned this in my disertation during my Zoology degree by asking then why it was that we often see step-fathers and adopted fathers caring deeply for children that aren’t their own.)

So why invest in people that aren’t your family then? Some people would argue you reap what you sow (investing in good karma). Some would say that you will personally benefit from being a defining member of a community of people that care for each other. I’m not sure I would entirely agree with any of these options myself, but still I am certain that investment in people is one of the most worthwhile allocation of resources (especially in an evidently changeable economy).

But I don’t think I’ll win anyone to my way of thinking with logic and compelling philosophy. So what’s my tip for this month then? (And yet again I’m speaking to myself as much as any of you.) Why not try a random act of kindness and see what happens? Buy a chocolate bar for a stranger. Stick an envelope with some spare cash through the letterbox of someone you know is in need (leaving no evidence as to who it’s from). Wash another car down the street while you’re doing your own. (The more random and anonymous the better!)

What will happen? Maybe you’ll realise that you were quite happy with your original worldview! Maybe you’ll re-evaluate some of the ways you see the world around you and the people in it. Either way drop me an email to let me know!

I imagine that many of you grew up like me with the idea that it’s good to be interacting lots with the people who live and work around you.

“Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours.”

“Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came”
“I’ll be there for you when the rain starts to pour, …like I’ve been there before.”

Soaps and sitcoms are always really popular TV shows. But are these kinds of relationships reflected in current communities in the UK? How many of you know the names, jobs, pastimes of the people that live around you. I recently moved into a block of flats with every intention of getting to know the people that lived around me. But after initial introductions with a couple of people I crossed paths with whilst unloading stuff from the car, there haven’t been many conversations since.

Sadly we live in a time and culture where people keep themselves to themselves, perhaps many are even afraid of the people that live near them because they don’t know anything about them. With most of us having nearby shops open at all sorts of times there isn’t the need to go to the neighbour to borrow sugar or coffee any more! Most interactions with neighbours are brief as we run from one place to the next.

Some friends of mine recently threw a street party. They got permission to close the road off and filled the street with furniture, food and fun activities for the children. I was inspired again as I heard stories of different people who had lived on that street for years only just getting to know each other.

So my tip for this month is as much for myself as for any of you. To find new and creative ways to get to know the people around you. That might be neighbours, that might be people at your local pub or the gym. (I guess the easiest place to start is to find out a little bit more about the people at work who sit near you… but I know so many of you are already really good at that.)

Why bother? Because I think most of us do genuinely envy the communities that we see in a lot of TV programmes (even if we wouldn’t necessarily want their traumatic life experiences or comical dilemmas).

“Change is here to stay”

A quote I heard someone say again recently. (Or another one that I saw on the internet that I quite liked: “Change is inevitable – except from a vending machine”.)

From a personal perspective, I feel like a lot’s changed recently. I’ve moved home, city and work location. And while I can find excitement in something new, ultimately I like familiarity, so change is never easy. (Although I am getting better at it!)

The world is fast moving these days and people cope with it differently:

“Everything changes but you”
Take That – holding on to a person in a time of change.

“Ain’t it crazy how you think,
You’ve got your whole life planned,
Just to find that it was never ever,
In your hand,
Change”
Sugababes – accepting that we can’t always control everything around us.

“(Ch-ch-changes),
Just gonna have to be a different man,
Time may change me,
But I can’t trace time”
David Bowie – adapting to the changes around us.

So I think just as we adapt as a business to economic change, I think we have to learn to adapt our personal lives to the change around us, economical or otherwise. (As I’ve noticed many people starting to bring lunch to work rather than going out to buy something.)

But rather than just adapting to a changeable world you can even take it one step further. Why not BE a world changer? As the MJ lyrics (below) suggest that you’ll have no doubt heard on the radio a few times recently, try taking a look in the mirror and seeing what you can do to affect the world around you in the context you’re in. Because maybe it will be individuals making little decisions to see what they can do to positively impact the people in their communities (as well as those further afield) that will start to actually “heal the world”.

“I’m gonna make a change,
For once in my life,
It’s gonna feel real good,
Gonna make a difference,
Gonna make it right”
Michael Jackson

It’s been a tough few weeks for me for a variety of reasons. The most annoying of which started when someone bumped into the back of my car a couple of weekends ago. What followed was then a series of frustrating conversations with various insurance and garage companies that now thankfully seems to be getting resolved with no cost to me. (I also currently have a nice little courtesy car to drive while my car is getting fixed, courtesy of the other guy’s insurance.)

This process has made me realise that maybe I’m not quite as good at dealing with my anger as I would like to be. It is frustrating when other people or companies disrupt your life because of their mistakes or incompetency. But I have to ask myself, is it worth the health problems I might cause myself from a good shouting session? (Or the noise disturbance to the neighbours?)

What’s the alternative though? To bottle up all the anger? Then I think of the wise words from Jack Nicholson in the film Anger Management:

“There are two kinds of angry people – explosive and implosive. Explosive is the type of individual you see screaming at the cashier for not taking his coupon. Implosive is the cashier who remains quiet day after day and then finally shoots everyone in the store. “

So my advice then, that I clearly also need to give to myself, is to find healthy ways to release your anger. (For anyone that has seen the film Anger Management then I refer you to the amusing singing scene on the bridge in traffic.) Anger, like many other emotions, is very difficult to avoiding feeling but what you can control is how you deal with it. Whether it’s talking it over with a neutral person, going for a run, killing some zombies in a computer game or sipping a glass of wine in a hot bath. Find out what works for you. But certainly don’t bottle it up because who knows what you might end up doing after a while of doing that.